As I sit rocking a feverish 6-month-old, trying to block out the noise of his 3-year-old brother choosing which Mario character to race as, I’ve concluded an open note on my iPhone is about as close to “alone blogging time” as I’m going to get.
I have one boob out, four-day-old hair, some kind of indistinguishable stain on my sweatpants, and a sinking feeling that the clothes in the washer are probably going to need to spun again. For the third time.There are plenty of things you should know about motherhood – like where to find the storage guidelines for breastmilk or what kind of product to use for a diaper rash that just will not relent. But if through all the madness, there is one thing you NEED to know, it is this:
You are more than just motherhood.
I so vividly remember – with both my boys – literally questioning my purpose in their lives, if not just to provide nourishment, shelter, and infatuation (… for the record, I just took a 26-minute hiatus from this post to play walkie-talkies with Oliver, so that only further illustrates the point I’m trying to make). Hear me when I say I could not be more in love with my children. My life was irrevocably changed in the most sensational way when I became a mother.
But I am more than just motherhood.
And this is where I struggled. There were days I didn’t brush my teeth, didn’t shower, forgot to eat. I learned how to make a grilled cheese sandwich for “Child A” while nursing “Child B”. I did grocery runs and doctor visits on 3 hours of sleep. Too often, I felt like nothing more than nourishment, shelter, and infatuation. I needed someone to remind me that Caitlin, the pre-mom, Grey’s-loving, Chinese-eating, mall walker, was still in there somewhere — still as fierce and as important as ever, just hiding alongside burp rags and footie pajamas.
You are an incredible mother.
But, you are more than just motherhood.