Diagnosis Confirmed: Second Child Syndrome

Growing up, my sister may or may not have made my ears ring with the insistent   “complaints of the middle child.” I chalked it up to pre-teen emotions and a love for her own voice — but in my short time as a mother of two, I am learning this girl may have been on to something after all.

Have you seen those commercials where it’s like, “First Kid” flashes across the screen and you see Mom bathing everyone in hand sanitizer before they’re even allowed to breathe on baby? And then “Second Kid” finds himself in the arms of the greasy mechanic while mom digs through her purse for the tic tacs? Y’all, that game is REAL. My life is literally those commercials.

My poor, sweet Milo, my second born – I’ll always love you just as fiercely as I love your brother. But child,… whoops, sorry. Love, Mom.

First kid:

This matching stroller, car seat and pack-n-play group is going to set us back about four paychecks, but B, it is SO cute. We have to get it.

Second kid:

Brandon runs over the stroller wheel with the lawnmower, but it’s fine. My left arm has to push three times as hard to get this now square wheel to make rounds, but it’s fine.

First kid:

I feel like such a nester. After you hang the frames and wooden elephant, that girl is coming to paint the mural on the wall. I couldn’t decide between the lamp, chandelier, or night light so I just got them all. Do you think that crib mattress is soft enough?

Second kid:

Does that blanket have a stain on it? Just throw it in the dryer. The dog sucked on it, so give it a tumble. Is “empty diaper boxes”’ a nursery theme?

First kid:

Okay, so it’s his first Easter. He’s only like half a sandwich old, but I bought him these suspenders to go with those new baby jeans. And the Etsy order for the matching bow tie and bunny ears was mailed out yesterday on RUSH, so I swear, if it isn’t here in time, that shop owner is going to GET IT.

Second kid:

This sleeper has carrots on it, which I feel like is Easter-y? No, Brandon, those are not hammers, they’re freaking carrots.

First kid:

Did the pediatrician give the go-ahead to start solids? I feel like we should plan out what times we want to feed him. We can start a new food every like, three days? And then slowly work from veggies to fruit.

Second kid:

Babe, I forgot one of those baby food to-go pouches. Give Milo your pizza crust.

First kid:

He turns 4 months old on Sunday, so I’ll have to go into work to use the Green Chair for his monthly picture. Where did that measuring tape go? Stretch his legs out so I can get an accurate length. Remind me to weigh him after he eats so it’s up to date.

Second kid:

Shoot, it’s already October? Okay, get him in the chair. He’s about as heavy as this bag of flour, how much is that? 20 pounds?

Oh, my sweet boys, we make it work though don’t we? You’ll wrestle over this one day, too, I’m sure. But do you know what else your Auntie used to say to make Mommy’s ears ring?

“First the worst, second the best.” 

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